Survival of the Species

If you are a thirsty white man in the desert and you are obviously dying of that thirst and a black man comes to you with good, cool, clean, fresh water cupped in his black palms, you cannot tell me that you won’t drink because of the “contaminated” color of his skin.  That is a ridiculous claim.  The meaning behind the fact that you would most definitely drink deeply from his “unclean” hands is obvious – society needs to get real and change its ways.  Survival of the human race depends on acceptance of our natural differences and cooperation no matter what you look like, what the color of your skin is, or what you believe.  Survival of the species needs to come first.  Humanity is not a set color of skin and the diversity inherent in humanity is a good thing and allows for more creative solutions to potential shared problems.  We divide ourselves for tribal survival reasons due to our inflated egos and our fear of the “other”.  That needs to change.  Survival like the example in the desert that I gave at the start of this post – that kind of derived wisdom, I hope, can rise to the top and rise to the challenge and create a very real place in the mindset of mankind of acceptance.  Hopefully, it can change the way we look at each other’s differences and creates new relationships despite them.  Intergroup relationships have been proven to improve with exposure to other cultures.  In those situations, we tend to find shared humanity and can even call our neighbor, who undoubtedly is different, our brother because he is vital to our shared survival as a human race.


~jimbolawrence aka Jason W. Tapscott


P.S. Buy my book on or  It is a series of novellas that happens to be a crime drama.  It was created based on my personal time spent in mental hospitals and prisons.  Please support me and validate my education of my past.  You will learn something too or at least be entertained.  Thanks!



I remember one time fairly recently when I was very depressed.  I was so depressed, in fact, that I was thinking very specific suicidal thoughts.  Yes, I had a plan then.  I was toying, at the time, with the notion of running out into traffic.  I was living just off of a major thoroughfare.  Anyway, that was how I was thinking of ending it all.  I was thinking all of these depressed thoughts and mulling them over and over again, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction as I was considering how nice it would be to die.  Anyway, I was wandering around the house and I happened into the TV room.  A movie happened to be on.  It was Bruce Almighty and it was halfway through.  It was on the scene wherein Jim Carey’s character, Bruce, who is currently playing God in the movie, cries out to God and it’s raining, very dreary, and he’s crying… and he gets hit by a tractor trailer as he is kneeling, bawling his eyes out in the middle of a highway.  The irony was not lost on me in the least.  You can call it a good bit of cosmic chance or luck but when I saw that movie on, on that particular scene, I immediately realized that God was trying to reach me and that He cared.  Some people will tell you that is a symptom of mental illness, and they would be right; however, whether I am “crazy” or not does not discount that I felt a connection, that God was reaching out to me in that moment of my deepest despair.  Thus, I came out of that state of depression for that time being (I have struggled with recurring depression for a long time).  I will always be a little off and “sick” in the head but that does not discount the fact that God loves me, and you, and everyone no matter how they feel or what they have done.  It also does not discount my or your or anyone’s ability to connect with Him (or Her; let’s be fair) and adjust a potentially harmful mindset so that we can deal better in this, God’s, reality.


~jimbolawrence aka Jason W. Tapscott


P.S.  If you like my blog, check out my book at


Hi, all!  Awhile back I mentioned an e-book in a review.  I would like to now clarify that the book that I plugged was one I had written myself.  The book is called Glockette; that is the name of the gun that the main character uses to hunt bounties.  It is the first in a series.  You can find it at and on Amazon.  Yes, my real name is Jason W. Tapscott and I am a published author.  Please check out the book; I guarantee you will like it and want more, which is good because I am at the moment working on the sequel.  🙂


~jimbolawrence aka Jason W. Tapscott

Smooshing the burger

I would like the reader to know a couple of things.  First, I graduated from college finally with a degree in psychology; so, now I am looking for a job.  It would be my first real job outside of sales and fast food and warehouses.  Second, I am living with a mental health condition; I am a person living specifically with schizoaffective disorder.  I will describe it this way –

Think of a burger.  It can be a cheeseburger with bacon, whatever you want…  This burger is analogous to my brain, and to my mind, to some extent.  Stress happens to my brain and my mind and this is like smooshing that burger.  When you smoosh a burger, perhaps so you will have an easier time eating it, stuff can fall out, become rearranged, or whatever.  Stress makes stuff seep out of the burger.  That stuff is still technically part of the burger, but now it is outside.  This can be similar to hallucinations.  Enough stress and parts of the mind seep out and break off taking on lives of their own.  That is what happens to me and others with mental health conditions.  For whatever reason, burger/mind stuff has seeped out and taken on lives of their own.  The stuff that seeps out is still part of the mind, but it no longer plays a vital role.  Instead, it tries to reconnect hopelessly with the mainland of said burger/mind.  When it does this, it takes the form of whatever symptomology the person with the mental health condition presents with, be it hallucinations, delusions, anxiety, depression; it is all stress-related and the mind trying to cope and make sense of the stress and the fact that, to the person afflicted, their reality has been rearranged.  I hope that made some sense and helps someone deal with their problems or the people’s problems that they happen to love.  Thanks for listening to my rant and thanks for congratulating me (I know you are) on graduating!  I will now commence looking for a job like any other sane person.  I am extremely glad and proud to have that problem.  Have a great day and maybe next time you order a burger, you will think to not be so stressful with yourself or someone else…



God’s neurons

What if each of us are a single neuron in the brain of God and each of our neurons in our brains correspond to a person in a smaller dimension that we are gods over.  What if we had an entire world/creation within our own brains.  What if that process occurred over and over eternally and without end.  Thus, God would be totally unaware of each of us individually (after all, we are each one neuron); and we form the construct of His Great Consciousness when you put all of us as neurons together.  I say that He would not be aware of each of our unique individualities any more than we are consciously aware of our own neurons; and yet they get together to form some illusion called consciousness.  And, like I said, we are gods over the world within our heads…  I just blew my own mind…

The Natural Zen of Everybody But Me

I went to a baseball game recently with a good friend from church.  He, like a lot of average people, was so carefree the whole time.  He bought food for both of us without batting an eye, although I did supply the tickets, which were a gift from my brother.  He then carried all of his food, which was a lot and it was cumbersome and awkward as usual, to our seats.  He then proceeded to place his food and a radio that he had brought on the ledge in front of us past the railing.  Our seats were right in the very front of that section of the stadium.  Anyway, he placed that stuff there without a second thought or hesitation.  That stuff could have fallen a long way down and probably hurt someone below if it did fall but he was so nonchalant about it.  You could tell that thought did not even enter into his mind.  Anyway, he did complain about the temperature of the food but it was a cold night at the stadium and, in my mind, that was to be expected.  He complained with a smile on his face as if he was joking and not serious at all, which was very refreshing.  Later, because it was so cold, he bought a winter hat and gloves, which probably cost a fortune easily.  I want to highlight how carefree he did all of this – very Zen.  I witness this natural state in a lot of average people day in, day out.  When I say average, I do not mean it disparagingly.  I use it to highlight that these are just everyday people who, whether they realize it or not, have solved the problem of just being.  The way my friend did all of that that night at the baseball game blew my mind.  Everyday some human being blows my mind in a similar fashion.  It is a great feeling and evidence that not all is lost, at least not yet.


The human condition lends itself to enlightenment.  It is a natural progression of the human spirit as it develops from day to day.  Anyone can achieve enlightenment of this transformative sort through Zen.



The Prophet (NOW)

I write.  I am compelled by whatever force, male, female, inherent soul, external force, benevolent, malevolent.  I know not.  I do know that benevolent would be boring, wouldn’t it, dear reader?  Malevolent is so much more interesting, but no matter.  I write to tell you that your sense of past and future are nonexistent.  They are part of a cosmic lie that the universe tells to young nebulae and dwarf stars.  You, like them, cling to past and future because it is impossible to cling to the present, which is constantly ebbing and flowing.  So, we make up our stories, yesterday I did this, tomorrow I will do that, but they are constructs no more real than the boogeyman.  All the while, we do not realize that we are not in the here and now.  We are not present, pardon the tautological pun but it is the truth.  And we are wasting it by not being present.  Instead we are rehashing past hurts, or future conquests.  We are fools being foolish in our motley, bells and whistles flashing as we dance our silly, little dance.  The lights are definitely on but no one is home.  We set the lights to a timer and took off on our merry little vacation so that no one would know we are actually not there.  We are building castles of sand and the high tide is definitely rolling in; but we are on the moon causing the very tide that will ultimately destroy us and our castle.  And we don’t even know it, not fully.  We may get a hint of it as our life ebbs and flows, a hint of mortality or a sense that there may be something more while we watch the snow fall on an early spring afternoon…


The true miracle of the prophet is not knowing the future, it is knowing the present and being able to see what will happen next by looking where his or her life ebbs and flows to.



Suffering and Grace

Suffering is necessary for God to develop a stronger relationship with us.  That does not mean God causes suffering.  On the contrary, we brought suffering on ourselves in the garden of Eden.  Daily, we continue to bring suffering on ourselves in that same spirit of rebelliousness and stubbornness.  In our rebelliousness and stubbornness, we lose sight of our actual, original, pre-Fall, true selves when we go against that original nature and God’s law, which is inherent in our hearts.  Yes, we do have the freedom to choose and make our own way.  We have that freedom as God’s gift of true love.  The angels do not get that love.  That is part of the reason some of them fell.  They got bitter and jealous of humanity so some of them fell and even now are trying to destroy us and turn us from our Maker.


The suffering that we feel as a result of our disobedience whether completely voluntary or due to some “help” from fallen angels brings us back to needing God and His abundant Grace.  That way we can be redeemed and remade once again in His Image by way of our sincere repentance.  After all, that repentance is all we have to offer God and He loves that gift.  In fact, that is the role that baptism plays, naming us God’s and sealing us as His children to spite the fallen angels through the gift of grace.  In fact, I believe that we as humans are meant to chasten the angels and help them understand truly who their Master is.  We are teaching the very angels who are keeping us safe.  And the good ones know it and love us and God for it.


When Jesus was baptized, his actual, true, blameless nature was revealed and affirmed for all the world’s people and angels, good and bad, to see.  It would be good for us to realize this – that we are not that far in nature from Jesus the Christ.  It is just that Jesus was able to hang onto his true, original nature, whereas we tend to forget who and whose we are.  Suffering is inherent in this sinful forgetfulness and its subsequent fear.  However, the good thing about suffering is that it brings out a need in us for God as our Father.  Our suffering affirms and delights the Father because He gets to touch our faces and dry our very tears.  That delights Him.  Yes, He hates that we suffer but He loves that it gives Him a chance to interact with us in a meaningful, deep way.  That is why He allows suffering to exist.  Our suffering gives God a foothold and handhold in this fallen world.  Our suffering makes room for Him in our lives as a stronghold and a divine shoulder we can lean and cry on.  That way He can stoop down happily and wipe our tears like the good divine parent that He is.  Glory be to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!