I remember one time fairly recently when I was very depressed. I was so depressed, in fact, that I was thinking very specific suicidal thoughts. Yes, I had a plan then. I was toying, at the time, with the notion of running out into traffic. I was living just off of a major thoroughfare. Anyway, that was how I was thinking of ending it all. I was thinking all of these depressed thoughts and mulling them over and over again, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction as I was considering how nice it would be to die. Anyway, I was wandering around the house and I happened into the TV room. A movie happened to be on. It was Bruce Almighty and it was halfway through. It was on the scene wherein Jim Carey’s character, Bruce, who is currently playing God in the movie, cries out to God and it’s raining, very dreary, and he’s crying… and he gets hit by a tractor trailer as he is kneeling, bawling his eyes out in the middle of a highway. The irony was not lost on me in the least. You can call it a good bit of cosmic chance or luck but when I saw that movie on, on that particular scene, I immediately realized that God was trying to reach me and that He cared. Some people will tell you that is a symptom of mental illness, and they would be right; however, whether I am “crazy” or not does not discount that I felt a connection, that God was reaching out to me in that moment of my deepest despair. Thus, I came out of that state of depression for that time being (I have struggled with recurring depression for a long time). I will always be a little off and “sick” in the head but that does not discount the fact that God loves me, and you, and everyone no matter how they feel or what they have done. It also does not discount my or your or anyone’s ability to connect with Him (or Her; let’s be fair) and adjust a potentially harmful mindset so that we can deal better in this, God’s, reality.
~jimbolawrence aka Jason W. Tapscott
P.S. If you like my blog, check out my book at jasontapscott.com.